“Marriage is not about you” were the words I read in a post recently. Well obviously, marriage is not about me, but if I allow myself to step back and retrace some of my thoughts, actions, or words, they portray a different picture. As I am typing this and thinking through some of my actions, it breaks my heart. If you knew my husband, then you would know what a true servant that man is. So I hate that I struggle at serving and honoring him!
Our natural flesh desires to be served, rather than to serve. But Jesus calls us to be different from our flesh and to walk in the spirit, to resemble Him. Jesus not only calls us to live this way but he also set the example for us. We are most like Jesus when we serve our spouse! Also we honor our husbands greatly when we serve them! Let’s look at Jesus’ example,
He poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around his waist. (John 13:5)
In our culture today we might not be encouraged as wives to serve our husbands and our families. For someone in the world they have never felt nor seen sacrificial love that we as children of God have been so blessed to receive. Once you have fully experienced God’s sacrificial love for us, then the joy of serving and honoring your husband starts to out weigh our fleshly desire to be served.
-Praise Him vs. Tearing him Down– As embarrassing as it is to admit, there have been a few times I have complained about Josh to others. It had never been anything to crazy but there have been times. Another role God gave us as women is the calling to be life givers. Not only birth to another individual but to give life with our words. God calls all women to give life to those around us, through impact. The Apostle Paul said, that my words can be used to build up or to tear down, our words should be beneficial (Ephesians 4:29).–
How much more edifying would it be to praise one another, and how much more beneficial would it be to praise our spouses!
-Communicate What Your Planning– don’t make plans without asking his opinion, that is failing to communicate with my leader. I am very guilty of making plans or decisions without first consulting with my husband. I make plans to go see family, or that we are going to go into town. I make plans that I am going to buy something without first seeking him and our budget. Although the purchases are not huge purchases, or they aren’t big decisions or plans I am making, I should still talk with Josh about it first.
I cannot forget that I honor Joshua when I first communicate my desires, wants, or decisions with him before I just set out and make them! Even though they are minute decisions, we are still one as husband and wife, and I should always desire first to communicate with Joshua before decisions are made.
-Allow Him to lead– Even right out of high school I knew that I wanted a husband who was God fearing, and totally in love with our King. I knew that if he had those things, then he would have the desire to lead me (provide a spiritual covering and protection), and I desired to have a husband that could spiritually lead myself and eventually our family.
Now, although I want that, in my pride, I can object to his leading quite often. I have to back him up. I know my husbands heart and I know he is not perfect, but I know he always has the best intentions for me and our family. Now even more so that we have a kiddo, I have to evaluate my heart and make sure I back him up. When we are in public, in front of our child, or if we are all alone.
This does not mean that I can’t or won’t disagree at times, but if so I can let him know my thoughts in private. We were designed to be his helper, he will need our help, he will need our impute and insight that we can bring to situations.
-Check That Tone Sister– Sometimes my tone and facial expressions affect the way I communicate something to Joshua. I believe the way our tones come off to our husbands is a good indicator of our hearts. Matthew hit the nail on the head when he said “for out of the abundance of your heart your mouth speaks” (Matt.12:34). Meaning that what comes out in my tone, words, and body language is a precise picture of what my heart at that moment looks like! Ouch!
If I want to honor my husband then I have to get my sassy, nagging self in check! Another verse says, “it is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful (sassy, uptight, nagging) wife” (Proverbs 21:19). That almost makes me embarrassed! Scripture says it is better for a man to live out in the desert, where there is literally nothing, than to live with a nagging wife! I have to be conscientious of the way I approach and speak to my husband.
-Be His help mate– that’s what I was created to do. Man was not created for the woman, woman was created for the man, to help him. Now I have scripture to back this up! Genesis 2:18 says, ” It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him” (I repeat a HELPER) . This role does not make us any higher or any lower than our husbands. God designed us both in equality before his eyes, but he calls the man and the woman to two different roles.
The authors of “Girl Defined”, Kristen Clark and Bethany Baird, said “When we, as women, don’t have a solid understanding of God’s definition for the word helper, then we might end up rolling our eyes at it”. Ladies, God made Women as the solution to the problem, when he said ” it is not good for man to be alone.”
If we are following after Christ than it is biblically imperative that we focus on this calling. When we are our husbands helpmates we help them to better serve our King, to bring glory to His name! In return we find overwhelming joy and peace in our marriages!