Now when I say single, I mean not married. I often think back on my past about things I either did wrong, or what I did right. Thankfully God does not hold our past mistakes against us because I messed up a lot! I often think about things I wish I had done in my season of singleness. I fearfully dread some of the accounts I will have to answer for when I get to heaven. God had placed some specific callings on my life in that season. I squandered many of them due to my own selfish ambitions. I sought my wants more than seeking God.
If I could encourage single women today who are from college age to late 20’s and single. I’d say these next few things. Keep in mind I don’t have it all together, but I definitely have more wisdom than I did 5-10 years ago! So here we are, 5 things I learned to appreciate later on in life. These things, I would say to my single self (if I could go back) or anyone at in that season of life.
Where ever you are at in this season, it is not an accident! God has purposefully placed you where you’re at. Seek Him out daily, as well as those He will place in your path. Earlier I said I fearfully await the day that I would have to answer for some of the relationships I failed at. I was asked by 3 women in college to mentor them. Sadly I didn’t take that seriously. I didn’t intentionally live life with them, or seek them out. I was too wrapped up in my job, my friends, my boyfriend, then spend time with these women. Don’t get me wrong I wanted to, and I was more than happy to love on them. But I didn’t make it a priority, and I didn’t set myself aside to seek them out. Wanting to serve God and His children takes intentionality and serving! Good intentions don’t serve God well, nor do they help anyone. But meeting up with women to love on them and to speak truth to them can do great things for the Kingdom!
Not only do I believe discipleship is essential to spiritual growth, it is also biblical. Today we are treading through so much stuff, we have to continually examine what is entering into our minds and hearts. In college I struggled with filtering things that were worldly from what was biblical. I also struggled at sharing whole truths about whatever I was dealing with.
What I mean by that is that I would hide certain things that I was too prideful to share with my mentor. I wanted her to think I had it all together. When actually everything was just the opposite. If I could go back I would tell myself not to be ashamed of downfalls, and to allow another to speak truth and life into that struggle or that sin. I needed to allow a mentor to be real with me so that I can grow. That truth can help you learn how to lay that struggle at the feet of Jesus!
If you’re looking for a mentor, seek out someone older. In possibly a different season of life, and who has already been through the season you are currently going through. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and ask them to be your mentor. Seek them out in your church or through close family connections. They will respect your privacy and will honor the commitment!
Make boundaries in Dating
Now this is one Joshua and I did, but we did not distinguish them day 1! If and when you start dating, set your boundaries day one with him. And this one is for free, if he doesn’t like it or agree with them, there is your BIG RED FLAG! Josh and I didn’t immediately set boundaries, and we set ourselves up for failure. We were physically attracted to one another, therefore our emotions were high for one another. One time his mom caught us making out! How absolutely horrifying! Make boundaries and respect the ones he needs you to follow. Josh and I couldn’t kiss intimately, because it would take his mind to what was next. At first I didn’t understand it, and I didn’t like that we could only peck one another. Yet that was not right of me to dishonor or question the extra boundaries Josh needed to keep his mind pure!
Be a Mentor
If I could go back and talk to myself as a college student, or a high school student I would tell myself this. I would tell myself that it is the most humbling and satisfying thing I could do! The fact that God could use us to increase the number in heaven through discipleship is absolutely phenomenal! So create the time in your schedule and do it! You will grow immensely and you will build possibly the sweetest, most trusting relationships with other women. I cannot encourage discipleship enough, God has used it to completely transform my life.
None of it is Satisfying
None of it!! I made some dumb choices in college and out of college. They were choices that I chose to take because I thought it would be fun. Maybe they were for that moment. Yet it never failed the next morning or day, I felt completely convicted and sorry for the choices I had made. I did a number of things that I knew in the moment were, not right and yet for some reason I thought I had to because I would be missing out if I didn’t. But trust me when I say, there is nothing in this world or of this world that will ever bring ultimate satisfaction. Only God can do that!